She announced her abortion via fbk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
