I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
