Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
