I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
