hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
