She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fuck appropriateness.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
