LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
