As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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