she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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