thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
