Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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