it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
