I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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