There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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