Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
