And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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