He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
