Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
