I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
