mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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