Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
