3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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