there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
