Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
