Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
