Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
