OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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