I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
