Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
