i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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