The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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