Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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