Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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