I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
