so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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