So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
