sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
