First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
