i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
