my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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