i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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