When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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