I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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