Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
