I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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