Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
