just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
