do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
