i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
