dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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