the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
