Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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